Dear Eric: My almost 57 -year -old husband told me, for the first time, “I don’t want to talk about it.” He is 77 years old and I am 80 years old.
The theme was two damage incidents to his newly purchased Honda.
Now he has four days, and has not mentioned the issue. How long should I keep waiting? Are you ok or to make this request?
– In the dark
Dear dark: Each couple has their own internal rules, so what is fine for some might not be for others.
If you feel that one of the main agreements of your relationship is that you talk about everything, this could be a good opportunity to point to your husband and ask what is behind your answer.
I might also think why I could avoid talking. Perhaps it caused the damage and feels ashamed or frustrated by a change in its driving capacity. You could ask you about that directly but empathetic saying something like: “I have not noticed anything that worries me, but if you have noticed that something differs from your driving, you amasas you”
I don’t want to put ideas on your head. It could be nothing to talk about. But you can start getting some of the answers you are looking for asking some “why” instead of “what happened.” This keeps the communication lines open without putting it in a position in which you have to press it.
Dear Eric: I am retired after 40 years of teaching in the same institution. Recently, a former colleague or Mina died.
I was never close to this woman, but we were in the same department and we had to collaborate in many projects and initiatives. Treating with her was a challenge, but I did my best to be professional. She was unpleasant to me, belittled my ideas and tried to undermine my department president.
In two months, there will be a commemorative service for this woman. His daughter has written me, wondering if he could be one of the eloogizers. To be honest, I really had no intention or simply attended the event.
Should it be honest with the daughter and tell her that her mother and I were not closely close, and that she should find someone else? Should I try to find something pleasant to say about this woman and simply go? Should plans to be out of the country at the time of service?
When asked to speak in a funeral or commemorative service, is one obliged to do so?
– Participant not arranged
Dear participant: The said guide that should not speak badly of the dead, but, of the same token, one is not union to say anything at all. He does not have to speak at the funeral, and he certainly does not have to reserve an international flight.
He thought that the daughter does not need to know the difficult working relationship with her mother. The friendliest, for both of them, that is, he yells at them to ask him, but he does not feel comfortable eologizing his mother. Then express your condolences and leave it like this.
If you feel so inclined, you can ask if you need other suggestions for the people of the department you can ask.
Dear Eric: Good advice for “frustrated sister -in -law”, whose brother -in -law was pressing her to give her part of her inheritance.
When my wife’s father died, they sent us a copy of the will. The first thing I saw was that his sister received a percentage greater than my wife and brother.
My wife and brother were upset. They were adopted, and the sister with a larger participation was not. I know the bone hurt, since they think that was the reason. I told my wife that it was because the sister was not so well financial. Who knows?
My advice is that parents should make it perfectly clear who will get what and reasons. Do not leave their children Milagro, it was favoritism or felt that a child needed more help. If your children get angry with your decision, it is better to discuss now, than after you are gone. How many families are divided over this fight between brothers after parents have left?
– Will and Testament
Dear will: This is an excellent advice. I want each person to prepare their will or make plans for their heritage, communicate their wishes to their loved ones. The money speaks, but sometimes murmurs. Communication about what we are raising, who and why can it avoid so much damage.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas to Eric@askingeric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19110. Follow it on Instagram @ouric and register for your weekly bulletin in Reichomas.com.