Dear Eric: I have a friend who has met since childhood. Our relationship has always been Platonic. Through the years, we have gone out on separate roads, but we always stayed in touch.
He lived in another state when he had and beat cancer. I have returned to my hometown for some years and I have a lot of time with him doing things that do the things that friends do.
He has had intermittent blindness; His view has returned to normal after a few hours. I asked him what his doctor has said it and his answer: “They want me to do a magnetic resonance, and I am claustrophobic and I don’t do that.”
Eric, how respects that decision when it could be a life problem? He and I have talked about that, but he always ends up changing the subject.
I know there is nothing I can do. Your thoughts, please?
– Affectionate friend
Dear Friend: Respect has multiple definitions. You can respect your decision by recognizing it and remaining without necessarily agreeing with it or thinking very well. Even if it does not appear, it is possible that you are already adopting the best focus on this difficult situation.
When a mentally competent adult rejects medical care, sometimes the only option is to listen and validate their feelings. Intermittent blindness is really alarming and could indicate serious conditions. His previous experience in cancer may have left it traumatized, fearful or simply exhausted by treatments.
Communication is key to understanding what is really happening, whether medical anxiety, a desperate or deeper mental health problem that may require intervention.
If you already house, consider asking options such as open MRI or computerized tomographs instead of traditional magnetic resonances. Through conversation, you can explore alternatives and better understand your needs with hope or offer different types of support. Do you want or need someone to come to the doctor with him, for example?
Although the chair diagnoses won to be useful for either, ask reflexive questions about their current medical care, comfort with their doctors and the information he has received could reveal new perspectives or options that have consulted him.
While working to support him, remember to take care of yourself. This situation is undoubtedly terrifying and stressful for you too. Take the time to process your own emotions when you reach someone you trust.
Dear Eric: I have a wonderful relationship with my neighbor, “Jody.” We have gone to the church and the biblical study together, we have gone to dinner, we have taken recipes and dinner items exchanged and pray together. That is why my problem is so sensitive.
Jody has a son of mentally challenge, “Troy”, who lives independently and takes the bus of his city every Friday to spend the weekend with his mother. He is a very sweet boy who is very helpful for his mother, who has innumerable health problems.
Sometimes, when Jody is having a bad day, he asked me to lead to pick up Troy. This has happened six times so far. It is a round trip trip from our neighborhood.
While I’m happy to help Jody when I can, driving 30 miles use a lot of gas in my SUV. I know Jody is not difficult for money, but my income is quite limited (Social Security).
Can you suggest how my good friend could address this problem without causing a crack among us? I can’t think of a way of expressing it that I will not discourage her.
I don’t want anything to come like us because she is a dear woman, and she wouldn’t make her hurt her around the world.
– Carpooling
Dear Carpooling: At the risk of excessively analyzing, I wonder if there is a part of you that believes that it is not charitable to ask for a friend’s reimbursement. I humbly suggest that it is not, and Jody may not think it is.
You would still be spending your time and energy doing this for the goodness of your heart; It is good to let your friend know how it can help you help her.
The words you wrote to me are perfect: “Jody, I am happy to drive Troy and it is really significant that you trust me to help in this way. The only thing is that gas is difficult for me to administer financial. Would you be willing to cover the cost of a tank)?”
You could, if you feel comfortable, share your concerns that the application could affect your friendship.
Think about it in this way: how would you feel like it if I knew that the thesis is creating so much stress for you, both financial and emotional? Surely, she because to do what she can to relieve it.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas to Eric@askingeric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19110. Follow it on Instagram and register in your weekly bulletin at Reichomas.com.