Dear lady manners: I arrive at a concert the other night. What is the label if the holder is in the rest of everyone’s chair, including both final seats? Why do each person get?
I had a discussion with the boy by my side.
Soft reader: It is that of your right, as at the table.
Dear lady manners: My son and I have a gentle disagreement about the host’s responsibility at a dinner or vacation table.
As host, I look for opportunities to foster conversations that can involve everyone at the table. Otherwise, couples or friends will begin their own discussions. This makes it less fun for everyone, as special for quiet people who do not file a conversation with their neighbors.
In one of those dinners, my son whispered: “You are being manipulative!” I said yes, I am doing my host duties.
Help us solve this, please!
Soft reader: Desire.
The deceased and great sociologist David Riesman once told Miss Manners that he had preceded her in the label business, citing her observation of the manners of other academics when she acted as hosts.
They shared teams the fear of their son of being manipulative. Therefore, they did not make presentations, they did not provide a seat plan and certainly did not attempt to verify that all were included in the conversations.
The result, Riesman said, were perfectly terrible parties, where people spoke only with those of their owners, whom they had seen all day, or those with whom they had arrived, and would see all night.
Dear lady manners: I have bones to take a free time to help take care of my father, who has incurable cancer.
For customers that I don’t know well, I have said: “I will be out of the city to help my father, who is sick.” Almost invariably respond: “I hope you feel better soon.”
I know what they mean well, and I always manage to take it that way. But that does not prevent him from feeling like an intestine, because I know he will only feel worse in the few months he has left.
The first time this happened, I was so stunned that I said: “Thank you, but this is not a card feeling”, which was felt without grace and stopped the conversation.
It tells people “I will be out of the city to help my father, who sometimes has cancer in stage 4” (not always!) Avoid comments “feel better”, but you can feel like too much
I love the advice on how to navigate this, and perhaps also a reminder for readers that when you do not know the nature of a disease, “I hope they feel better” is not necessarily the comment of the child you think it is.
Soft reader: What would you suggest? What their clients investigate it until they discover enough about the situation to show the appropriate amount of sympathy?
Miss Manners considers that it is more useful for her to remind anyone in her sad situation that refrains from confidences that require a comprehensive response.
He could have excused his clients simply by stating that he would be absent in family businesses, answering, if there were questions, that it was a personal matter.
Send your questions to Miss Manners on the website, www.missmanners.com; To your email, gentleraader@msmanners.com; Or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndionction, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.