Who says you can’t have your nest and leave it too?
A divorced couple in the state of Washington is turning viral for their agreement of conventional custody, and surprisingly harmonious, known as “bird”.
Devin Justine and Brendan Cleary, both 33, decided to finish their eight -year marriage when Justine was six months pregnant with her second child.
Despite anguish, they agreed on one thing: children should be the first.
“I come to Brendan and I said:” I hate you at this time, but we need to raise our heads and think out of the box on how we will make this work for our children, “Justine told Today.com. Cleary was” 100% on board. “
Your solution? Let the children stay in the family home while the parents revolve inside and outside, just like birds return to the nest.
When Cleary, a firefighter, is dating or out of the ordinary, sleeps at the station. Justine stays with her parents nearby.
They are currently building a garage apartment so they can continue on the same property, not suites or return decks and failures for children.
“I am a product of divorce. I spent my life living outside a suit, and there was no way we could ask our children to do the same,” Justine said. “Children because sleeping in the same bed every night.”
The nesting approach may not be new, but it is gaining traction between co-people that seek to limit the emotional cervical whipper for children after divorce.
“There is little interruption for children. They are not affected [environmentally] Because of the fact that his parents are separating, ”said News Sharson, a Aronson partner, Mayefsky & Sloan, LLP, a buffet of marriage lawyers from Manhattan.
He pointed out that many parents who share a small apartment outside the site to change between periods in the Marital house. But this is not a solution forever, the professional warned.
“I have never” nesting “forever,” said Sharma. “A few months are fine, but for longer periods (beyond six months), I think that the uncertainty of not knowing how it will really be separate houses can be confused or anxiety.[inducing] For children. “
Dr. Fran Walfish, psychotherapist based in Beverly Hills and author of the father aware of himself, agreed, limiting a successful nesting phase to three months maximum.
“The shock of the painful news for children is softened for a period of transition of letters in which the environmental environment remains the same and the only change is the presence of one father or another,” Walfish said at the exit.
He added that “more” runs the risk “of giving their children an inaccurate message that [the parents] They are working on reconciliation. “
Celeste Viciere, a licensed mental health clinician, sees value in the nesting, to some extent.
“Getting children to live in the same that is familiar can be beneficial because it is easier to stay in the same school and keep the same group of friends,” Verere told the site.
“Another advantage to nest is that children do not have to load their beliefs from one place to another between two places,” he continued.
But he also warned about emotional traps: “Children can have difficulty having incredible incredible family memories in the house, but feeling unable to share them more.
Shelley A. Senterfitt, a former family lawyer turned into a therapist, told the network that shared housing arrangements can generate a change about everyday things, as a father who uses household items without replacing the subject.
Even so, he said, some short -term nesting settings work.
“The only cases in which I am aware of which parents have done an nesting work is when it is done at a very limited base … and when parents have had a very friendly divorce,” he said.
Despite the risks, Justine and Cleary said they are making it work through open communication and firm limits.
“We didn’t have that [respect] When we were married, but we have it now, “said Justine today.” We have gathered for our children. “
And experts agree: however, parents choose to divide, they must always put their children first.
“Regardless of how to divorce, take into account the possible effects for their children is crucial,” said Viciere.
“Children tend to have an idea of what is happening … let them ask questions and have conversations about how they feel what a turn has.”