Dear Eric: My daughter died in 2009 at the age of 26. It had a chronic condition at that time and the treatment was not available in the United States. She died in Mexico in a superior hospital.
The moment she died, she had a friend of almost 35 years. He reached his funeral, but the only time I have seen it since then is at his father’s funeral. There is no personal contact than the card sent on my birthday along with a package one year, which I threw without opening.
One of his brothers tried to intervene for the count of how much I feel. That didn’t go well as I don’t talk to that person anymore.
My anger is so great that if I saw it in public, I don’t know what I would. Every time I see or meet some that remind me of the things we did together, I could explode.
I am still bitter and that makes a complaint about his death so many years ago. So what do you think?
– Abandoned friend
Dear friend: I am very sorry for the loss of your daughter. The intense complaint has only worsened for the loss of this friendship, and that’s why I’m so sorry.
From time to time in this column, people write letters about not knowing what to say or do when a friend or loved one is afflicted. It is common to feel trapped, not wanting to get worse with the wrong words. The guide is always the same: just communicate. I would like your friend to have heard this years ago.
You are justified in your anger. But I want you to be free of this, as much as possible, so you can continually take care of yourself.
An option is to recognize for itself that his friend’s behavior was harmful, that he made the right decisions and had real and durable consequences. Then, he acknowledges that he is human and, like all of us, prone to terrible errors. Choose to release it, not necessarily forgive or forget, just move it to the past so that it is not always such a fresh wound.
Another option is to communicate directly with his friend and say: “I felt very injured when you did. He arrived. It was worsened for your continuous distance during the last decade. He made my pain more difficult to navigate.”
This does not have to be a step on the road to reconciliation. Sometimes we simply have to have a conversation in which the damage is cheated on both sides. There may be nothing that can be done to make peace, but it does not have to constantly relive this pain.
Dear Eric: I love my work, but there is another employee there who likes to trust with life with me. It bothers me and uncomfortable.
I am a very compassionate person, but the thesis stories are sad and depression, which bothers my workday. I try to listen and not comment.
They have also requested information on how to improve their labor skills, which I have sacrificed suggestions only to come to me by stating that the boss suggested other ideas.
I would like suggestions about how to communicate with this person without damaging their feelings and maintain positive workday.
– Fight of co -workers
Dear partner: Some professional distance will help here and avoid injured feelings.
Let’s start with the Labor Council. Since your co -worker seems to be a professional crowdsourcing guide, the next time they request, redirect them. “I am not the best person to ask; your boss will better understand the functions and performance of your work.” Or, even more casually: “I am not the one who delivers the increases, so it is better to climb the stairs.”
While obtaining colleagues training is a good idea, it was not recorded in this. A reminder of that, could be a useful advice. Understanding what is appropriate at work is crucial for job success.
Having personal relationships at work can facilitate the work and improve the performance of one, but if the relationship distracts or demolishes it, you can pump the brakes by reminding your co -worker on the standards and the limits you have established for you.
It is fine to be immediately about this saying: “Work is not the best place to talk about this and I am not in the right space to listen to it. Can we change equipment?”
You may request a rest in the conversation completely. “I can’t talk much today. I have too much work to do.” While the problem for you could be the nature of depression of these stories, in general it will help your co -worker think about how much personal revelation is good for the workplace.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas to Eric@askingeric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19110. Follow it on Instagram @ouric and register for your weekly bulletin in Reichomas.com.