Dear Eric: I have the leg in a second marriage for 15 years. During my feet a few years, I worry that my second husband’s story about his first wife can be false.
This is strongly affecting my feelings about him and his adult daughter. I am seeing more signs of distrust.
How can I put my negative suspicions in the rest? Can I contact the first wife?
– Marriage doubts
Dear doubts: It is possible that this is a chicken and egg situation, since in you you can have doubts about the story or you can be thinking about history because the doubts that were already working in their Mariaage in other areas.
Before contacting the first wife, ask some questions.
Why do you think this story is not true? Why does this affect her feelings about her husband’s daughter? Is it possible that both have a false story? After so long, did something happen your thought? Are there other aspects of her Mariard about which she has doubts? If the story is not true, would that give you a reason for concern or indicate that it is not safe?
Then, talk about your questions and groups with a friend or another loved one. It will be useful to obtain another perspective. Even if they don’t have an idea of their husband’s story, they can help her navigate mental and emotional stress.
After that, the best course of action could be to talk to her husband. This, of course, depends on the nature of your friend’s history and comments.
I don’t like being so general or vague, but there are many unknowns here. The most important thing is that you stay safe and get angry at someone you trust.
Dear Eric: A woman who works for me dresses in a provocative way. We work in a formal professional environment.
I wore a black lace dress with neckline, and I released: “Wow, you’re dressed for a Monday!” His answer was that he had an appointment that night.
I receive complaints from co -workers that their outfits that give bottle are distractors and non -professional. I contacted HR and his response was to handle it.
I know you are not Meean to comment on appearances, and this is a sensitive delicate issue. Aid!
– Labor care
Dear outfit: Ask your human resources department to clarify what they mean when they say you should handle it.
How do you see management? Is there a clothing code that you can cite? And, most importantly, by committing to your co -worker about your outfit, could you potentially create responsibility problems for you or for the company?
Ultimately, unless your company has an applicable policy to which RR.HH. can point it out, and that it is applied consistently, it would make better to focus your comments on work performance.
If other co -workers have a problem with their dress style, go to talk to HR. His coworkers may feel that his dress style creates a hostile work environment. HR needs these comments to help create or clarify the application policies that keep all insurance.
Remember that workplace standards must be applied equally to all employees. Any orientation you receive from HR before taking measures to protect yourself and your employee.
[The New York Times’ Social Q’s columnist addressed the same question. Here’s what he said.]
Dear Eric: In the letter of “frustrated sister -in -law”, the writer wanted to know what to do with his brother -in -law constantly asking for his part of the inheritance left by his father.
What I should do is tell her that she considered her point of view and that she agrees with him that it was not fair that she and Hus Band receive as much as the less rich sisters. Since that light, he has donated all the sum that turned to his father’s favorite beneficial organization. And then thank her for helping her to realize the best use of money she felt that she gave or deserved.
That can calm him down.
– Regulations
Dear regulations: This gift gave me a good laugh. It is a creative solution that may not stop your anger, but it will certainly put the money to use better. (And I hope the card writer considers spreading some goodness through donation to decent causes).
Another reader said that, if the card writer acquired the unreasonable demands of his brother -in -law, the money would be considered a gift and, therefore, subject to taxes. That is not what his father intended.
Finally, for the card writer, I want to underline that the aggressive behavior of his brother -in -law is not only an inappropriate intrusion, but could indicate an unhealthy dynamic in his marriage to his sister. Consider talking to her, far from him, about the risk of emotional abuse through isolation (or even coercive control of finance). Remind him that he is not alone and that he does not have to accept this.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas to Eric@askingeric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19110. Follow it on Instagram @ouric and register for your weekly bulletin in Reichomas.com.