Dear Harriette: My boyfriend recently proposed, and I said no, not because I don’t want to marry him, but for how he did.
The one proposed in a baseball game in front of a great crowd, and I felt completely bad for me. I don’t like sports only, and he knows it.
I have always dreamed of a more intimate and significant proposal, something that reflects who we are as a couple. Instead, I felt Caht off guard, uncomfortable and even a little ashamed.
I panicked and said not at the time, but now I wonder if I reacted exaggeratedly.
The point is that it is not just the proposal itself. It makes me wonder if it really understands me and what I value.
If I had thought about doing it personal and special, I would have said yes in the blink of an eye.
Now I feel disappointed, and I don’t know if I should move it, make me try again or take this a sign that we might not be as compatible as I thought.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling like that? Should I talk with him about removing the proposal in a way that feels good for me, or is it a red flag about our future together?
– The proposal went wrong
Dear proposal went wrong: Sit and talk to your boyfriend. Excuse me for reacting so strongly and negatively to your proposal. He explains that he made you off guard. Then tell him specifically how he felt.
Remind him that he does not like sports, so you felt that his proposal did not take you or your feelings to take into account. This led you to ask you if he knows what you value.
Tell him that he is open to marry him, but now he worries if you two are on the same page. Ask him to share his reasons to propose in that way.
Try not to be accusative as you talk to him, or he could grow and stop talking.
Dear Harriette: I grew up with Christian parents and Christian friends in a Christian church.
I believe in God and read my Bible from time to time, but I fight to call me Christian with confidence. Part of me feels that I do not do enough, and I am a miracle if those who do more than me will criticize me.
Is it normal to feel so insecure about my own faith?
– Cristiano in training
Dear Christian in training: There will always be people who doubt who you are, how strong your faith is and what you do with your life. Don’t worry about those people.
On the other hand, if you want to have a better understanding of your faith and your role in it, consider going to the biblical school for adults. You are never too old to study or deepen your faith. Maybe your church sacrifices such a program. If not, search online. Its denomination may have specific courses, workshops or immersion activities that create opportunities to immerse themselves in their faith.
Harriette Cole is one of life and founder of Dreamlepers, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harrietcole.com oc/or Andrews McMeel Syndionction, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.